Study: Time On Toilet

Title: “Pants on the Ground”

Purpose/Question: Determine if the intake of gluten effects the time spent on “The Can” for individuals diagnosed with celiac disease vs. individuals undiagnosed celiac disease.

Hypothesis: Persons on a gluten free diet will spend much less time on “El Crapper” than people who are undiagnosed with celiac disease.

Abstract/Background: I was sitting on “The Lou” and had plenty of time to think about the gluten I ate that day.

Materials: Gas mask, “Porcelain Throne,” TP, gluten.

Procedure: #2, repeat

Results/Data: The following graph from my sample population(1), shows that people on a gluten free diet, spend far less time on “The Thinking Chair” than people who are undiagnosed and “normal” people(control group).

.

Conclusion:  Eating a gluten free diet reduces test scores.

From our data collected: “Normal” people spend an average of 6 minutes on “The John” vs. 11 minutes for undiagnosed people with celiac and 3 minutes for people who are diagnosed with celiac and are eating a gluten free diet.

Gluten is a wheat protein that is hard on the body to digest, resulting in more time spent on “The Potty.”  A gluten free diet usually consists of healthy and easy to digest foods, therefore less time is spent “Going Push.”

Time spent “Dropping the kids off at the pool” is usually spent reading readily available magazines, books, or labels of cleaning products.  If such mentioned reading materials or cleaning products are not within an arm’s reach, then time is spent pondering life or the common creative thinking exercise of “What do I use when when the TP runs out.”

The result of such reading, or creative thinking, leads to a greater mental capacity in the fields of current events, joke telling, chemical reactions of cleaning solutions, or secret keeping like “how did the bathroom hand-towel disappear.”  Later in life, when confronted with a standardized test or problem solving in the workplace, the subject scores higher in the reading comprehension, science, and logic portions of the test.

Despite the occurrence of what is known as “brain fog” among the celiac community, the test sample of “undiagnosed people with celiac” test scores still remained higher.

Bibliography: 1.  Sample population size of 3… me, myself, and I.

Disclaimer: This study from the College of Brain Fog is meant for humorous people only, and may be used as a thesis reference at the risk of your well-being.  I am not a scientist, do not claim to be one, do not play one on TV, but have received an honorable mention in the 2nd grade science fair of 1992.

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