Study: Time On Toilet

Title: “Pants on the Ground”

Purpose/Question: Determine if the intake of gluten effects the time spent on “The Can” for individuals diagnosed with celiac disease vs. individuals undiagnosed celiac disease.

Hypothesis: Persons on a gluten free diet will spend much less time on “El Crapper” than people who are undiagnosed with celiac disease.

Abstract/Background: I was sitting on “The Lou” and had plenty of time to think about the gluten I ate that day.

Materials: Gas mask, “Porcelain Throne,” TP, gluten.

Procedure: #2, repeat

Results/Data: The following graph from my sample population(1), shows that people on a gluten free diet, spend far less time on “The Thinking Chair” than people who are undiagnosed and “normal” people(control group).


Conclusion:  Eating a gluten free diet reduces test scores.

From our data collected: “Normal” people spend an average of 6 minutes on “The John” vs. 11 minutes for undiagnosed people with celiac and 3 minutes for people who are diagnosed with celiac and are eating a gluten free diet.

Gluten is a wheat protein that is hard on the body to digest, resulting in more time spent on “The Potty.”  A gluten free diet usually consists of healthy and easy to digest foods, therefore less time is spent “Going Push.”

Time spent “Dropping the kids off at the pool” is usually spent reading readily available magazines, books, or labels of cleaning products.  If such mentioned reading materials or cleaning products are not within an arm’s reach, then time is spent pondering life or the common creative thinking exercise of “What do I use when when the TP runs out.”

The result of such reading, or creative thinking, leads to a greater mental capacity in the fields of current events, joke telling, chemical reactions of cleaning solutions, or secret keeping like “how did the bathroom hand-towel disappear.”  Later in life, when confronted with a standardized test or problem solving in the workplace, the subject scores higher in the reading comprehension, science, and logic portions of the test.

Despite the occurrence of what is known as “brain fog” among the celiac community, the test sample of “undiagnosed people with celiac” test scores still remained higher.

Bibliography: 1.  Sample population size of 3… me, myself, and I.

Disclaimer: This study from the College of Brain Fog is meant for humorous people only, and may be used as a thesis reference at the risk of your well-being.  I am not a scientist, do not claim to be one, do not play one on TV, but have received an honorable mention in the 2nd grade science fair of 1992.

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Beginners Video on Celiac

This is the most educational video I have ever seen on celiac and gluten intolerance.  It starts out very basic, then gets in-depth about what is actually going on in the body and why.  Then it goes into the history of celiac.  I had never heard the history elsewhere, so trust it if you want.

Showing this video would be a great way to explain celiac to someone.  Even when I tell people what it means to be gluten intolerant, I can’t get the idea across this well.

Gluten Free Bakeries! Map

Here is a map and list by state of the gluten free bakeries around the country, as of January, 2010. Please comment with a short review on the bakeries you have tried.   If you have any additions to the list, please comment about them, or email me.

There has to be more Gluten Free bakeries around the country!

National Chains:

Whole Foods Market *Call and check your location for specific days.

Breadsmith AZ, IL, MI, MN, MO, NJ, ND, OH, SC, SD, TX, WI

View Gluten Free Bakeries: in a larger map




The Red Beet Palmer, AK


Gluten Free Country Store  Gilbert, AZ

Gluten-Free Creations Bakery Phoenix, AZ

New Frontiers Natural Market  Sedona, AZ

Short N’ Sweet Tempe, AZ



Amy Bakes Cupcakes Atascadero, CA

Azna Gluten Free Cameron Park, CA

The Sensitive Baker Culver City, CA

Julian Bakery La Jolla, CA

Aunti Gluten’s Bakery Livermore, CA

Babycakes Los Angeles, CA

Let Them Eat Cake Milpitas, CA

Mariposa Artisan-Crafted Gluten-Free Oakland, CA

Annette’s Gluten Free Bakery Pleasanton, CA

BabyCakes Baking Company Torrance, CA


Sweet Deliverance AKA Rheinlander Bakery Arvada, CO

Blue Ribbon Bakery Cedaredge, CO

Outside the Breadbox Colorado Springs, CO

Deby’s Bakery & Cafe Denver, CO


Dee’s One Smart Cookie Glastonburry, CT

DePuma’s Gluten Free Pasta North Haven, CT



Viitals Tampa, FL

Libery Bakery Oviedo, FL


Sally’s Bakery Sandy Springs, GA




Swirlz Cupcakes Chicago, IL

Rose’s Bakery Evanston, IL

Gluten Free Cookie Passion Mundelein, IL


The Measuring Cup Fishers, IN



Olivia’s Oven Overland Park, KS



Truely Free Bakery & Deli Baton Rouge, LA


Wildflowers Gluten-Free Market:  Brunswick, ME

Allergeena Gluten Free Bakery:  South Portland, ME




Sugar Kisses Bakery Berkley, MI

Coco Charlotte Grand Rapids, MI

It’s a Piece of Cake Kentwood, MI (Grand Rapids Area)


Bittersweet Bakery Eagan, MN

Madwoman Gluten Free Bakeshop Minneapolis, MN

Cooqi Gluten-Free Delights St. Paul, MN



Gluten Free Life Bakery Amity, MO

Andrea’s Fine Foods Chesterfield, MO (St. Louis Metro)

Beck’s Gluten Free Ellisville, MO

Free Range Cookies Ferguson, MO (St. Louis Metro)

My Gluten Free Bakery Jefferson City, MO

Kneaded Specialties Lee’s Summit, MO




New Hampshire:

New Jersey:

Miller’s Gluten Free Bread Co. Butler, NJ

Mr. Ritt’s Bakery Millville, NJ

New Mexico:

New York:

Jo-Sefs Gluten Free Brooklyn, NY

Shabtai Gourmet:  Far Rcokaway, NY

Sherry Lynn’s Gluten Free Latham, NY

Babycakes NYC New York City, NY

Donna Marie’s Gluten-Free Bakery Rochester, NY

North Carolina:

North Dakota:


Holiday Baking Co Worthington, OH

Tina’s Sweet Treats Franklin, OH



Living Earth Bakery Corvallis, OR

Tarte Eugene, OR

Gluten Free Goodies:  Medford, OR

Angelines Bakery Portland, OR

New Cascadia Traditional Portland, OR


Sweet Christine’s Kennett Square, PA

Sweet Freedom Bakery Philadelphia, PA

Gluuteny Bakery Pittsburgh, PA

My Gluten Free Baker West Chester, PA

Rhode Island:

South Carolina:

South Dakota:


A Bountiful Harvest Chattanooga, TN

Gluten Free Goodies Knoxville, TN


Wild Wood Art Cafe Austin, TX

Sublime Bakery Forth Worth, TX

Little Aussie Bakery & Cafe San Antonio, TX



West Meadow Farm Bakery Essex Junction, VT

Stowe Meadows Bakery Stowe, VT


Buzz Alexandria, VA

3 Fellers Bakery Goochland, VA


Sunny Valley Wheat Free Kent, WA

8 Arms Bakery Olympia, WA

Giggles Gluten-Free Custom Bakery Pasco, WA

Washington D.C.:

West Virginia:


Silly Yak Bakery Madison, WI

Molly’s Gluten Free Bakery Pewaukee, WI